love · destiny

would never forget the day my own mother accused me of trying to claim credit for housework I've done for the family.

sure, i ironed only some of my own clothes for the fun of it. if you'd like to put it that way.

really wished i could marry him now.

there is only so much that a 22 yr old can take.

rude sisters, lazy sisters, PMS mother, stingy father, kpo relatives,the list goes on..

my life is just about trying to deal with difficult and crazy ppl everyday..i dont feel happy and i dont feel belonged..y is it such a vast difference as compared to dear's family? why dont my sisters do household chores?y does my mother keep insisting we hate her, we want her to die when i dont?y is my father so stingy, he doesnt even spend on anything anymore...not even things that we need, like a new wardrobe. why.why am i never happy.

i think im gonna go overseas and study..and leave it all behind, to lead a happier life.

when ure with others, you smile and laugh. but when ure with me, all i get is a long, listless face from u.

when im down,sobbing right in front of you, all i really wish was that you would hold me close and tell me everything will be alright, whisper sweet nothings into my ear. but your actions left me feeling like im no one to u.

and whenever i see you after a long period of time, somehow, whenever i finally get to see u, the feeling of anticipation and excitement manages to go away instantly. you get annoyed easily and somehow i feel like im just a parasite clinging onto u persistently.

why are we always in a hurry to go home after dinner? why? why cant we just spend a little more time outside together?it seems like our date is always in a rush because ure trying to get home early but when ure with others, its like you have forever to hang out with them.

why am i feeling like im nothing in your eyes? im really sick and tired of having to ask u when are we going out when are we miting up. and when i ask wad are we doing, its always nothing. why do i get the feeling there's no effort, there's no interest?

why am i feeling so out of place, like someone unrelated to you?

sometimes i scream and cry so hard when im alone, that i find solace in it.

have once again entertained some suicidal thoughts in my head.

my feelings for this CNY had wayned over the years, i am not looking forward to it at all this year.my life sucks. i cannot be with the person i love with my parents' permission, and my sisters treat me like shit. they relied on me so much to the point that when i dont help them, they say im selfish.

my mother misunderstood everything bt me. my intentions, my actions and my words. its not that i want to say harsh things but when ur own mother pulls u down, make u feel like u've hit the core of the earth down there, you're left with nth but the feeling of being a nuisance, a useless daughter. yes i dont do as much housework as other daughters and i dont go to the market with you (i really dont know when u wanna go and when u dont wanna) but that doesnt mean i dont respect you, or your job as a housekeeper for other people. that, has never bothered me, until i said that you looked tired and its better to just work somewhere where the load is manageable. but you tot i was trying to do something, make u feel less tired and do housework. that did not even cross my mind for 1 second.

whenever i try to explain things to you- you always have ur opinion (that i am always wrong).i dont understand why.we cant even share a joke with u - u'll be offended and a light hearted moment would without fail, for sure, turn into a heavy-hearted one.

u wrote a letter askin y we treat u like this, but u got more agitated when i explained to you. i dont understand you. ive tried lots of ways - coming home more than 4 times a week trying to eat the dinner you cooked, coming home earlier (even b4 11pm nowadays) and not wearing black, so that it pleases you. but you were never happy with me and what i did.

maybe an accident should happen to me so that you can get to know me and who i really am, and not just based on what u see, hear from other ppl and feel for me. i am willing to go thought that, question is, will you even try to get to know me even when im in that state?

im tired. maybe i'll just move out - if that pleases you as much.

feels shit to have no one's comfort when u're at your lowest.not even a hug.

this feeling is really beyond what i can handle.

is afraid that she will go berserk one day when she still can't get what she wants.